Friday, March 25, 2011

And They Called It 'Puppy Love'

Now, I’m usually up for your standard, run-of-the-mill puppy-drowning as I am for your typical baby seal clubbing, cat cleansing and primate genocide, but I also enjoy myself a public hate-on as well. No one ever likes to be left behind when it comes to a good ‘ol fashioned Internet Rage-a-thon.

This lesson was learned recently by a mysterious woman who was videotaped tossing puppies into a raging river. The video was posted originally to YouTube where it was later pulled, but not before being picked up by other sister video sharing sites sparking off a worldwide witch hunt for the puppy-drowning perpetrator. Certainly, it wasn’t a strong case for ‘puppy love’.

The video shows a blonde-haired girl in a Little Red Riding Hood outfit plucking squealing puppies out of a bucket and hurling them into a river with all the concentrated effort of an Olympic javelin thrower. At the moment, it is not clear if the video is authentic or a hoax but that didn’t stop the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) from jumping into the foray by offering $2,000 reward for information leading to the woman’s capture and arrest.

And with that, the Internet gods became angry…very angry.

This is just the latest in a rash of recent acts of animal cruelty to be posted to the Internet. Back in February 2009, videos surfaced of some 13-year-old future serial killer abusing his cat, Dusty. On separate occasions, Dusty was subject to beatings, near drownings, and harsh vocal taunting that would make Christian Bale stand up and cheer. The Oklahoma teen was located and convicted within 24 hours.
Even more recently, a U.K. woman from Coventry was filmed by security cameras petting, and then dumping a cat in a dumpster outside her home. The cat was found and rescued 15 hours later. What has the world come to when you can board airplanes with monkeys stuffed down your pants, but toss a cat into a dumpster and the whole world instantly knows about it.

I say, if you can’t beat them (literally) – join them.

Let’s create an event like the Olympics or Pan Am games – every four years - where abusers can compete against one another in a more controlled and monitored environment. Dedicated animal abusers from around the globe would answer the call and gather together to compete in such events as the ‘Catput’, or the ‘Puppy Toss’. Perhaps there could be even a multi-sporting event that requires “athletes” to incorporate their sporting prowess with their love for animal cruelty. Maybe a biathlon-style event where in between stretches of cross-country skiing, contestants are required to pick off a cat on a fence from 100ft with a rifle.

Imagine the inaugural launch of the new 2010 ‘International Animal Abuser Games’ on ESPN next year!