Saturday, May 29, 2004

The Littlest Marytr

As a child, my father took me to see the famous “The Littlest Hobo” german sheppard on one of his many stops along the Public Mall tour scene (actually, it one of SEVERAL Littlest Hobo's that made that tour ~ which one was actually the "Littlest" is still unknown for definite). Anyways, I waited for over an hour in line for a whole whopping two seconds in order to pet this dog ~ my Hero ~ and when it came my turn, the dog did the unimaginable (well, unimaginable to a starry-eyed 8 year old who had anxiously dreamed of this moment day for the past 3 months since it was first advertised in the local papers): he stooped to take a shit. Right there in the mall!

Nobody flinched. Nobody seemed to care. Was he given any privacy...NO! Was I allowed to wait two seconds to let him finish his urgent business...NO! "Keep petting, move along!" was all I heard from the others in line behind me. It was like an assembly line petting zoo... "Keep petting, move along". I was crushed. Two seconds to pet the famous beloved “Little Hobo” dog in real life, and I was forced to pet him while he was taking a shit. Oh, the INHUMANITY! That memory with live with me always. I still wake up with the cold sweats remembering the indignity that that poor pooch was forced to endure..."Keep petting, move along"...

I also remember the look in those two big brown eyes looking back up at me, as if to say: "Gimme a break will ya, kid?! Can't you see I'm trying to take a dump here?"

At the time, I wondered if this was indicitive of all treatment bestowed upon television superstars. Did Mr. Dressup have to shit on the spot when out for one of his many ‘Meet n’ Greets’ at public Community Centers and Elementary Schools visits? Did Polkaroo from ‘Polka Dot Door’ have to drop one of his seemingly giant purple turds on the spot if ever he was caught out in a rare public appearance?

I can tell you for sure that that little episode sure killed any asperations and dreams I may have been harboring at 8 years old of being a television star!


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