Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Sharon Stone Cums Clean

Move over Sue Johnson. Step aside Dr. Ruth; there's another name in celebrity permiscuousness.

That's right, folks! A report from the UK says that the 48-year old, Sharon Stone, stated in a recent interview that she believes teenagers should be prepared to engage in oral sex, if it saves them from the dangers of an aggressive person that is pushing them to have sex.

Once I had recovered from the initial shock of hearing Sharon Stone advocating oral sex; my next immediate reaction was: WTF?*

But it's true. In a bizarre explanation, the noted psycho screen siren tells this story, according to Contact Music UK:

"I was in the store the other day and I watched a young girl trying on clothes, showing her abdomen.

"Her mother was trying to talk to her about not being inappropriately luring. I said, 'Gee that would look much nicer with a camisole under.' "Her mother walked away, and I said to the girl, 'I'd like to give you a two-minute conversation about sex.' "Young people talk to me about what to do if they're being pressed for sex? I tell them (what I believe): oral sex is a hundred times safer than vaginal or anal sex.

"If you're in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, offer a blow job. I'm not embarrassed to tell them."

Okay - somebody had better put this blonde Hollywood retard in check. Just because she herself has probably gone done more times than an Olympic ice dancer doesn't immediately make her an authority on safe sex. Besides, wasn't she the one that shamelessly flashed her shaved hoo-hoo on the big screen only 13 years ago in the original Basic Instinct?

First of all, what exactly does Sharon mean by "a situation where you cannot get out of sex"? You mean, like - hello - RAPE maybe? And if so, surely she doesn't mean to imply that teenage girls, when faced with an "aggressive person" forcing them into sex against their will, should just stop trying to fight them off - go with the flow, if you will - and instead drop to their knees to reward their would-be assailant by sucking his dick? Good plan, bimbo!

Before he blows his load - blow his mind with a time-altering humjob!

Whatever happened to "just say no!" for pete sakes? According to Ms. Stone, maybe we should just change this vastly outdated old world euphemism to "okay, lets get this over with". Should we really be making it easier for rapists to get their jollies off? In keeping with this theory of passive resistance, maybe, instead of endlessly preaching on about safe sex to these teenaged girls, we should just hand out the free condoms to the actual perverts and sexual deviants. Hey, if they're going to force themselves on people anyways, we may as well promote them to do it safely, right?

And secondly, who in their right-fucking-mind approaches teenaged girls in department stores when their parents backs are turned to have "two-minute conversation(s) about sex"? That's just wrong on so many different levels! I don't care who it is - strangers should not discuss oral sex with other strangers children. I don't care if even the Pope himself approaches my daughter to discuss the holy sanctity of oral favors - I'd go all Resevoir Dogs on his ass in a heartbeat and knee him square in the Charlie Brown's for being the self-righteous pervert he was!

You just don't do that kind of thing! I could pull up any number of celebity convictions to repeatedly prove that point, but I'm sure it will all come out crystal clear at Sharon's future sanity hearing.

Way to step up to the plate and be a role model to teens, yutz.

* Then I got a chubby the size of Rhode Island, and so, beat one out while thinking about Sienna Miller uncrossing her legs in a director's chair.


Blogger Wandering Coyote said...

Very disturbing.

9:04 AM  
Blogger Superhappyjen said...

That kid probably now has genital warts in her mouth. Thank you Sharon!

12:39 PM  

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