Thursday, March 10, 2005

The Ongoing Saga of Michael "Freakshow" Jackson

A warrant has been issued this morning for the arrest of Michael “Freakshow” Jackson, after he failed to show up for the scheduled 8:30AM resumption of this child abuse trial. Jackson’s lawyer told Superior Court Judge Rodney Melville, who is presiding over the case, that his client had been admitted to a local hospital with a serious back problem.


Horseshit! What the fuck kind of strenuous exercise does Michael Jackson ever perform that he would suddenly be stricken with serious back pain? The guy hasn’t so much as lifted a finger (apart from the finger that allegedly diddled a few prepubescent penises in recent years of course) his entire fucking life! Shit, the guy probably has a team of Finnish dwarves just to simply carry around his Diamond status credit card on any of his legendary spending sprees! Has the flesh on his face been stretched forward so unnaturally tight over the years that it's beginning to cause injury to his spinal column?

I just don’t buy it.

Could it be instead, that perhaps poor frail Michael has slipped a disc in his lower lumbar while throwing his freak streamlined bleached penis into poor fifteen year old Gavin Arvizo after a few of his patented Mai-tai and roofie cocktails? That would seem more likely and believable to me.

Considering the Freakshow’s recent track record of stalling court proceedings with lame ass afflictions that wouldn’t even concern an eighty year old grandmother with chronic heart disease, why don’t we just move the entire court proceedings to the waiting room of the San Bernardino Hospital? That way, the trial could continue uninterrupted when next he complains of itchy balls or something. Jackson’s private staff of medical gurus and health specialists could just continue to cater to him and administer his treatments while the case simply continued on against him without delay. Heaven’s forbid if a young boy’s lost innocence should ever get in the way of preventing the mighty King of Pop from ever recieving only the finest, most advanced and swift medical treatment known on the planet for every drip, sniffle, ache or itch that he should ever happen to experience!

In retaliation to Jackson’s tardiness this morning, Judge Melville ruled that if Jackson was not able to arrive within an hour that he would automatically forfeit his $3 million dollar bail bond. Well, whoopee-shit! Isn’t that like what he spends in an hour on a daily basis anyways? Why not make a real impact on Jackson and issue him one day of hard labor at any maximum security prison, and let him experience what it’s like to be violated by a larger, more dominant male first hand. I bet that will have him sprinting to the courtroom each day like Carl Lewis; as if they were offering free Botox treatments for the first dozen arrivals.

Personally, I don't see what's so complicated about the case as a whole in the first place. What it comes down to for me is this: did he touch penis or did he not touch penis. That is the question.

You know what? It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. Grown men should not be sleeping or sharing their bed with other people's children - PERIOD!

What's so hard to grasp about that? Maybe it was totally innocent; during the night, being a little restless in his sleep, he casually rolls over and his hand happens to lightly and innocently brush up against the boys peepee. What he "molesting" the boy? Of course not. So is he guilty? Abso-fucking-lutely!

I say, throw him to the wolves! Or even worse, undo all his cosmetic surgury and restore his facial features back to their original form. Surely that would be a fate worse than death for him and more befitting of a billionaire pervert who uses his position and status in life to boff pre-pubescent boys while their parents are off riding the rollercoaster on the Neverland Ranch grounds.


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