"Baa, baa black sheep, have you any sense?"

Sometimes the world is just too fucked up to contemplate.

As a further example of how crazy this world has become I give you, Exhibit A: traditional nursery rhymes are being rewritten at U.K. nursery schools to avoid causing offence to children.

Now, maybe I've been living in my own little Atheistic Pleasuredom for too long here - but how fucking stupid is that?

Instead of singing “Baa baa, black sheep” - written in 1744 satirising the taxes imposed on wool exports - as generations of children have learnt to do, toddlers in Oxfordshire are now being taught to sing “Baa baa, rainbow sheep” instead. Honestly, between banning peanut butter sandwiches in public schools and enforcing strict "No Running" policies in schoolyards, life must be about as exciting for children now as watching water boil - just don't get too close!

The move, which critics will seize on as an example of political correctness, was made after the nurseries decided to re-evaluate their approach to equal opportunities to ensure that nobody is centered out according to their race or creed. Isn't that nice? We have no problems forcefeeding them purple dinosaurs and four weird technicolor butt plug looking things named Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa, and Po - but point out a single black sheep and suddenly everybody goes all Orange Alert. Maybe if the black sheep had been named Tay* and was seen eating watermelon, or lifting televisions, I might see their case.

Consider this possible modern retelling of the classic nursury rhyme:

S'up, black sheep,
You gots me any wool, nigger?
Word.
I gots three bags fo schizzle.
One for my homeboy,
One for the dame,
And one for that beotch
Who runs the malt liquor store up on Cherry Lane.

Stuart Chamberlain, manager of the Family Centre in Abingdon and the Sure Start centre in Sutton Courtenay, Oxfordshire, told the local Courier Journal newspaper: “We have taken the equal opportunities approach to everything we do." He continued to add "that this is a fairly standard practise across nurseries. We are following stringent equal opportunities rules. No one should feel pointed out because of their race, gender or anything else.”

Thats great and all - but we're talking about sheep here, arn't we? And who the fuck has ever heard of a Rainbow Sheep anyways? How ostracized and centered out is that sheep going to feel? Tell me that! Isn't that Rainbow Sheep now going to be at risk of being victimized in some late night hate crime perpetrated by skinheads for being homosexual as he skips down the lane with his three bags of wool?

In keeping with the new approach, teachers at the nurseries have reportedly also changed the ending of Humpty Dumpty so as not to upset the children and dropped the seven dwarfs from the title of Snow White. Now why would anybody ever get worked up over an omlette? Likewise, what did the seven dwarfs ever do to warrent such public distain? Shit, I once saw a video back in my dorm days that featured Sneezy getting gang-banged by the Keebler Elves - and it didn't exactly affect my world perspective any!

So why are we spending so much time and energy revising perfectly fine nursury rhymes in an effort to protect our children from, what, life? Has anybody ever known anyone to ever become upset at being called a Black Sheep?

It didn't offend Robert Conrad, did it?

Where does it all end? Madness I tell you.

* As in :"Boo-TAY"