Monday, February 28, 2005

Tsunami Insanity (Part II)

Reports are beginning to be received from World Relief and International Aid organizations working on location in Sri Lanka, Sumatra, Indonesia, Thailand, India, and other affected disaster areas that well-intended donations for victims of the December tsunami are becoming increasingly inappropriate. Relief workers are now being distracted and bogged down by huge shipments of, for example, ski jackets, Viagara, moisturizing gel, sweaters, women’s dress shoes, Arctic-weather tents and thong underwear of all things!

WTF are some people thinking exactly? It would appear now that many businesses are using the charitable collections of food and goods for the tsunami survivors as an excuse to get rid of all the surplus crap still taking up space in their warehouses after the last "Season Blow-Out Spectacular" sale, like they were instead donating to some global Goodwill or Salvation Army, instead of bona fide relief charities.

What a curious image that brings to my mind: poor, destitute Mohammed el Higi-Hagi, dressed only in an expensive, yet impractical Gortex ski jacket and purple thong, and all the while sporting an immense raging hard-on, is trying to rebuild his destroyed beach shack by using the heel of a woman’s stiletto dress shoe to hammer in the nails. Christ, at this rate and with these practical provisions that have been supplied, he’ll either still be working on his new shack well into the next millennium, or he will have perished from heat stroke after taking a brief break to nap in his new Arctic-weather tent in the 100-degree sun!

Also, while I’m on the topic of practicality, what the fuck was the point of sending moisturizing gel do you think? Did 'Oil of Olay' think that these poor bastards haven’t experienced enough moisture in their lives already lately? I severely doubt under the circumstances that there are any Banda Aceh survivors right now walking through debris complaining about their dry, chapped skin! Waterproof barrier protection or sealant, maybe…but moisturizing gel? What kind of a complete choad thought that by sending shitloads mositurizing gel they would be in small way supporting the stricken tsunami survivors with valuable much-needed assistance? This person deserves to be gang-whipped by a team of disgruntled lion tamers.

Likewise, crucial medicines are in short supply, but Viagara, Valium, anti-depressants, and other drugs with labels that cannot either be read or deciphered by local doctors continue to arrive by the planeful. Relief Warehouses are beginning to look like Hunter S. Thompson's walk-in medicine chest. The Valium and anti-depressants I can understand, sure. Shit, they DID just survive a catastrophic natural disaster and managed to loose just about everything they had in the world after all, so yeah, a little Valium or anti-depressants may come in handy and may not be an altogether inappropriate thing. Lord knows I would want to be dosed out of my gourd in the event of such intense tragedy too, so that I would just be able to simply carry on as need-be with a complacent glazed look in my eye and warm drool dribbling out the corners of my mouth. But what the fuck is the intended purpose of the Viagara exactly*? Was this intended to assist the surviving men in being able to repopulate the devastated disaster areas? Hey, I doubt that the stricken survivors are going to be very horny at this point and won't be considering any swinger orgies or swap parties in the near future any time soon! I mean, how horny would you feel if everything you owned in the world was still "hanging ten" on the crest of a wave somewhere in the middle of the Indian Ocean? Maybe the Viagara was intended to be issued in order to provide more immediately accessible floatation devices lest another tsunami should make another untimely appearance on the Indian Ocean coastlines. I'd say that your chances of survival would be significantly improved if you had a bouyant engorged penis the size of Manhattan to float around on, wouldn't you?

* Besides, I think there are enough stiff peckers laying around aready as it is!


Blogger die on the inside slowly said...

Now that is some gunny fucking shit! HAHA


10:22 PM  

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