Tuesday, June 14, 2005

The Final Chapter for Michael "Freakshow" Jackson

What the fuck is going on in California – has the sun finally fried everyone’s brains through the thinning ozone or something?

Not since OJ’s white Ford Bronco cross-country flee from justice, or even the recent election of Conan the Barbarian as the official state governor has there been a greater travesty of justice.

Michael “Freakshow” Jackson has finally been acquitted on all counts in his ongoing child molestation case – a total legal victory sweep for the Defense, ending Santa Barbara County District Attorney Tom Sneddon’s decade long crusade to expose the Jackson as the dangerous pre-pubescent pee-pee diddler that he is. Jackson will not even so much as have to attend any "Pee-Pee Diddler's Anonymous" meetings or anything - he's off scott free!

Am I surprised? Of course not!

The ‘King of Pop’ was found innocent on all 10 charges brought up against him. I simply can’t believe it! Didn’t anybody else see those scathing photographs of Jackson’s diamond-studded mitts all over little Webster’s Hottentots while they played video games together? Sure, Macaulay Culkin said that he was never molested during his stayover’s at Neverland Ranch, but didn’t anyone else see the pain and shame behind his eyes as he bravely hid those forced naked games of oiled-up Twister with Bubbles? Am I the only fucking one who noticed these things?

Surely with so many devilishly outlandish accusations on the prosecutors hit list, such as plying boys with booze and porn, licking their heads, simulating sex acts with mannequins, as well as keeping dolls in bondage wear on his desk, and lets not forget the Neverland Ranch shower orgies, that they would eventually find him guilty of some-fucking-thing, right?

I guess not.

The real disturbing thing about the jury’s verdict is that they also admitted that they are not convinced he has never molested a child, and that the Freakshow’s regular willingness to invite small boys into his bed during sleepovers was indeed unsettling to say the least! Well, DUH! Instead they just claimed that he was not guilty of these particular crimes that he had been charged with.

Oh, not THEEEEEEEEEEEESE crimes. I see!

WTF? What DO you have to do to get convicted in a California courtroom exactly?

Shit, just up until late last year, you couldn’t even get successfully prosecuted for drunkenly banging dead corpses in a funeral home! Now apparently, if you’re a noted celebrity icon, you can host naked all-night swing parties with the entire Vienna Boys Choir and not have to worry about any legal repercussions whatsoever!

Michael Jackson’s defense claimed that the accusers exploited their boy’s illness to shake down celebrities then concocted the charges after realizing that the gloved one was cutting them off the jet-set lifestyle with the extravagant hotel rooms and lama rides and what-have-you. Well, yeah. So? Isn’t the odd lama ride around Neverland Ranch worth the odd diddling during an innocent tickle fight in the master bedroom later on? It’s a perverted pop star pedophile’s version of a “Quid Pro Quo”.

Of course, this verdict does mean that Jackson will be free to try to rebuild his blighted musical career, but his legal victory came a terrible price to his image.

Pardon me while I yack.

When was Michael Jackson’s image EVER really, shall we say, normal? If the black surgical mask didn’t spark any concern or suspect into people, then obviously nothing fucking will! He looked like a gay bandit, not someone you’d want to trust your children with. Honestly, he could be dressed up in leather chaps and a ruby-encrusted Speedo and blowing a monkey and parents would STILL willingly ship their kids off to Camp Neverland with this fruit bar!

I’d say that now that the whole train wreck of a court case is finally over, things at Neverland will just slip back into whatever realm of normal that is actually capable by ‘ol MJ, and it’ll be back to Weirdness-As-Usual until his unholy urges once again get the better of him while watching the latest installments of Harry Potter movies.

Mark my words.


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