Tuesday, April 26, 2005

The Freakshow Rides Again!

In the wake of the media cacophony revolving around the Schiavo case, the entire mystery catalogue of holy Popestock ceremonies, the continuing Tsunami Relief updates, and the whole circus that was the marriage of Princes Charles and Camilla Parker Bowes, the popular media flood gates can once again open up and let loose with the complete watershed that is the child molestation case of one, Michael “Freakshow” Jackson.

Despite the finicky television coverage as of late, the whole trial juggernaught has continued to chug forward as is just reaching a crescendo of dubious characters from his past claiming that they have witnessed him in compromising or scandalous situations with boys.

Moral society is licking its meaty chops in anticipation of the celebrity roasting that the prosecution is about to unleash upon poor Wacko Jacko.

Since Judge Rodney Melville allowed the prosecution to introduce prior lurid and sketchy accusations of molestation involving five young boys from the pop stars past. Providing testimony to these previous accusations is a whole parade of former disgruntled employees including some who admitted that they stole from their boss, sold their accounts of events to tabloid journalists for thousands of dollars, changed their testimony when money came knocking and lied to investigators.

Shit, even the man who used to fetch Jackson his French fries was once a purveyor of Internet pornography!

WHOO-BOY – things sure are about to get juicy*!

Hey, is anybody else beginning to think that Jackson may not be the best judge of character, or employer for that matter? I’m getting the distinct impression that he’s not exactly a “people person”.

These tainted testimonies include such elegant allegations that the self-described Peter Pan, the man who refuses to grow up, fondling more prepubescent gonads than the headmaster at an all boys Catholic boarding school. Jackson has handled more young balls than a preschool basketball point guard!

An ex-maid is even claiming that she witnessed Jackson exchanging kisses with and fondling the genitals of Macauly Culkin in his library while playing video games. It would seem that ‘ol Michael had more on his mind at the time than just 'Donkey Kong'.

And, in something right out of George Michael’s playbook, a former security guard also reports seeing Jackson perform oral sex on one of his boys in a bathroom at Neverland Ranch.

Besides these, there are countless other reports of such fondling, molesting, and plying of liquor than you can shake a bleached, streamlined penis at.

Shit, to a desperate, socially stunted person like myself, Neverland Ranch is more and more seeming like the perfect singles vacation getaway!

Enjoy the rollercoaster and maybe a lama ride on the Ranch’s amusement park, before getting served a few complimentary cocktails courtesy of the bar, and perhaps either a blowjob or a little grope n’ tickle during a spirited round of 'Super Mario Brothers' before returning back to my sleeping bag on the bedroom floor.

That’s more action than I’ve ever experienced in my entire life! My poor lonely heart is likely to explode from sheer overstimulation!

How does one sign up for one of these “Molestation Tours” to Neverland Ranch anyways – is there some kind of perverts discount?

* Which may not be the best choice of terminology, now that I think about it, considering that we are dealing with the boinking of young boys.


Blogger Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

The guy could be caught with a nakid young boy and still people would say he's a victem.

Chimp f'er.

4:32 PM  

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