Tuesday, December 14, 2004

One Spew from the Cuckoo's Nest

It is getting harder and harder, damn near fucking impossible actually, to successfully navigate my fat ass through the vast unchartered islands of office cubicles, past strange indigenous tribes of computer jockies, and down the small “aislet” corridors that flow throw my place of employment like random streams of rainwater run-off.

Each program operating in this particular Call Center is getting increasingly more territorial about their work areas and are now attempting to protect their designated work floor borders from lost innocent trespassers roaming aimlessly through their areas and needlessly “disturbing" other working agents *.

This is all fine and fucking dandy, but any intended employee access routes are not clearly indicated anywhere on the work floor; so most new employees, or even just unobservant dipshits like myself, are reduced to stumblefucking their way through this corporate work floor wasteland maze like a blind person through a garden labyrinth. And even when I do manage to orientate myself well enough to correctly follow the approved designated routes to the bathroom or cafeteria or whatever, I still inevitably end up disturbing some “Team Meeting” or something being held in the only available free space in the whole fucking Call Center! It’s impossible to leave your desk and NOT disturb or completely piss somebody off!

In order to successfully get to my designated work area, it’s at the point now where I would have to scale up the side of the building outside and then lower myself down with rappling equipment from the roof like Sylvester Stallone in ‘Cliffhanger’. Either that, or I’m going to have to waste my valuable personal time in order to take the long route around the Call Center.

I’d have to arrive a day ahead of my regularly scheduled shift in order to simply allow myself the necessary time it would take to make the long trek through all the known established employee aisles in a journey that would make Little Red Riding Hood’s jaunt through the woods seem like a mere trip to the ‘Quickie Mart’. Every time I have to get up and go to the bathroom, I expect to pass by two strange dogs and a cat on their own little ‘Incredible Journey’.

I never agreed to a 10 km hike in full combat gear before my shift every day! I’m a “Customer Service Representative” for fuck sakes, not some member of a ‘Long Range Recon Patrol’ or something!

* Now, if one of your employees is so ADS-stricken that they cannot adequately function if somebody so much as even passes by their desk...then what real fucking use are they going to be anyways, am I right?


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