Tuesday, June 01, 2004

Triple Cocked Rabbits

I just heard the last bit of a science discovery program on the television that was mentioning how some bumblefuck father and son team of hobby-geneticist's have managed to breed a rabbit that sports not ONE, not TWO...but THREE fully functionable penises! WTF?!!

Apparently, this is the third generation of rabbit breeders within this bizarre Frankenstein family of freak geneticists, and so far to date they have only managed to breed rabbits with only a mere two penises. Clearly, not good enough at all. All those original bunnies with only the two penises were all eventually instinctually killed off by the mother rabbit (whom must have been hoping for bunnies with three penises herself) after birth.

Now, my brain is spinning with the multiple scenario's and obvious questions here. Hmmmm, what to address first? Oh yeah, how about: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT A RABBIT WITH THREE DICKS IN THE FIRST PLACE?!

I mean, what possible advantage could be had from breeding a mutant rabbit with three penises? Unless of course, you are some sort of a gourmet afficienado of rabbit penis in the kitchen and you are REALLY looking forward to increasing the volume of rabbit penis in your regular daily diet...I wouldn't expect there to be any immediate advantages beyond bragging rights with the neighbors. "Hey, BARNEY...get a load of this! A rabbit with THREE DICKS!! Eh, how many dicks 'as your rabbit got then?" The peer respect from the neighboring families must have surely skyrocketed out of the hemisphere that day.

With any luck, the successfully bred three-dicked rabbits will be ready to be introduced straight into the mainstream family home, and with Christmas merely seven months away, it couldn't have come a better time. These miraculous three-dicked rabbits are poised to be the next fad, replacing Furby and Buzz Lightyear as this years leading 2004 Holiday Season Christmas craze. Kids will be screaming bloody murder all December for these incredible three-dicked rabbit's. Can you imagine the sense of disappointment come Christmas morning for those excited and hopeful children whose parents were only able to afford or get their hands on a mere two-dicked rabbit? Or heaven's forbid, a plain 'ol single membered rabbit.


How cool would you feel during 'Show-and-Tell' on the first day back to school after the Christmas holiday season when all the rest of your friends got one of the miraculous Christmas three-dicked rabbits, and all you got was a lousy two-dicked rabbit? Pretty crappy, eh? What a total gyp that would be!

Now, the downside of these little unique three-dicked wonders of nature besides being the envy of all the other kids on the block, is that these super potent, thrice-cocked rabbits would probably reproduce at the unbelievable accellerated rate equivalent to a devoutly Catholic swinger on a free singles cruise in the Mediterranean. A single three-dicked rabbit would probably explode in 'Tribble-esque' fashion and the rabbit numbers would populate faster than a case of Herpes Symplex B through the Gen-Pop at a Turkish prison.


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