Friday, October 01, 2004

Challenged at Birth

One of my work peers today jokingly suggested to me today that I must have been “challenged at birth”. Well, yeah. So? Who wasn’t?

Regardless of that fact that I in no way dispute the fact that I am inevitably so challenged that Jerry Lewis probably wouldn’t flip me a nickel, but isn’t that a completely redundant question? Nobody doubts for a second that I am any sharper than your average soup spoon, but who was ever not vulnerable and challenged from the moment that they were plopped into this world from the warm, secure, mushy comforts of their mothers womb? Particularly when the first sight your newborn eyes probably sees is a group of idiots huddled around you cooing and babbling mindlessly like Margo Kidder without her meds. Imagine your first impression of this existence if your first view of it is something out of a David Lynch movie. Wouldn’t you automatically feel “challenged”?

As our divine creator and Mother Nature intended, we are introduced into this world helpless and naked and left to feel our way around like a blind man at an orgy. It is our challenge then to seek out and perfect our niche in our existence; whether it be snow crab fishing in the Berring Strait, sculpting works of art out of earwax, or sitting at home on our ass shopping for ornamental 17th century glass dildo’s on the Home Shopping Channel.

And no matter how it turns out, life is still going to be tough! It will inevitably be as frustrating as wearing a catcher’s mitt to a circle jerk and leave you feeling like a fingerless man who has dropped his last quarter in the street. Life has more changes than Rupaul at an Erasure concert and it's as annoying as fuck! Even more annoying than another Kurt Russell 'Overboard' movie rerun.

Is this co-worker of mine from Krypton or something that he doesn’t feel the weight of all the obstacles and pitfalls laid out before him on the battleground of his life that he doesn’t feel the slightest bit inclined to feel “challenged” in any way? “Well, BULLY for fucking you, Superman!” It must be nice to be in such control and be the master of all you purvey. Maybe I should just give up entirely then and just become the floor sweat towel boy for the Olympic Special Needs basketball team…or something more befitting of my limited mental abilities.

The amazing thing is, is that even in the continuing face of complete overwhelming diversity and challenge we still yearn to continue forth. We hunger for life so badly that our stomachs suck up back against our spines, but that doesn’t mean that we are any less challenged in any way. We are just gluttons for mental and emotional punishment.

“Yes, I was challenged at birth. Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Clark!”


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