Monday, June 07, 2004

The Sweet Life of Bacteria

The province of British Columbia has been contemplating installing their water pipes with high energy florescent lights, aptly called "Sun-tanning Beds". These installed lights are being considered in an attempt to counter the necessary high levels of chlorine needed to keep the public's drinking water from dangerous levels of contamination as the majority of British Columbia's drinking water supply is from above ground sources making it extremely subject to high levels of parasites and germ infestations. Basically, a glass of ordinary BC drinking water would have the same taste and health value as the water taken from the local YMCA swimming pool.

The difference with the florescent lights over the old method of chlorine sterilization, is that the florescent light DOES NOT kill the various parasites in the passing water through the pipes like chlorine, but ONLY sterilizes them so that they can no longer reproduce and generate in your body, making them virtually harmless once consumed into your body. Pardon?

So, I can have a whole magnitude of drinking water parasites entering my body and participating in a full blown germ orgy, but I will remain healthy because they are not populating due to their created sterility? Well, I guess that's cheaper than providing them with little teeny condums (not to mention the Safe Sex awareness and educational programs necessary to promote their useage) and sending them on a Club Med vacation to the Bahama's.
Life is suddenly very good to be a parasite. Leave it to the easy-going liberal West Coasters to come up with an action plan to make life as cushy as possible for germs and bacteria so that they will all probably end up migrating West quicker than disillusioned university graduates. Can you imagine an entire summer camp of hired tree planters that would be able to completely fit on a single petri dish?

"Oh, dude! I, like, planted three hundred trees today, and like, managed to infect an entire towns water supply. Isn't that "sick", yo?!"

And why the hell not? Sterilize me, give me free reign to fuck with reckless abandon and offer me a complimentary membership to a sun-tanning studio and I would be heading out on the next cheap standby flight to Vancouver as well!


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