Thursday, June 10, 2004

The Gift that Keeps on Giving

The greastest gift you can give someone is not necessarily the gift of love, life, or even laughter as various noted charitable organizations and greeting card manufacturers would have you believe. The truest, most purest gift that you can bestow on a loved one is the most basic, thoughtful everyday function known to mankind, an expression of pure compassion and respect for your fellow man in itelf. The greatest gift you can give someone is: the "Courtesy Toilet Flush".

How disgusting and disturbing is it to innocently wander into a disaster area in your office bathroom, the likes of which would make most hardened military coroners puke. In many worse case scenarios, something akin to a large semi-melted Tootsie Roll standing upright in a shot glass. It's enough to make chimpanzee's take up medical docorates in disgust.

These sick individuals who don't automatically take your personal mental well-being into automatic consideration and grant you this basic social courtesy, and thereby preventing you from having the sudden urge to gouge out your own eyes with a soup spoon, should be issued with a pair of goggles and snorkel and forced to dive into their own foul bathroom abominations and wade around bobbing for deuces.

How hard is it to notice that after their first flush that the toilet water is still resembling a Chernoble-style meltdown at the Jello Pudding Factory, and still neglect to pull that toilet lever a second time? These are the same people that still piss in public pools and who wouldn't think twice about using your rare Tropical Rainforest potted fern to wipe their ass just to satisfy their own sick personal amusement. That may be acceptable conduct in the public bathhouses of Delhi but not here in our enlightened sterile Western society!

So please, consider the poor innocent son of a bitch who is inevitably going to enter into that bathroom after you have finished using the same facilities. Give them what they truely deserve as a fellow civilized upright citizen of planet Earth. Give them the greatest gift of all ~ the 'Courtesy Toilet Flush'!


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