Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Hurricane Holy Rollers

It seems to me lately that just about anyone who’s anyone in this crazy world has a specific reason to explain the recent destruction of New Orleans and the Mississippi Gulf Coast. You can’t wave a microphone in the air without having some self-righteous political opportunist leaping at it like a fresh water salmon.

U.S. Republican Senator Hank Erwin believes the hurricane ravaged areas was punishment for it’s “gambling, sin, and wickedness”, and added that this is just “the kind of behavior that ultimately brings the judgment of God.” Pat Robertson has directly linked ‘ol Hurkat to God’s anger over legalized abortion, while some rabbis have suggested that Katrina is what comes when the U.S. supports Israel’s withdrawl from Gaza. Other more paranoid types have even suggested that the recent hurricanes are the result of some secret Russian designed weather-controlling device that has somehow fallen into the hands of the Japanese Yakuza in order to make a fortune in the futures market and to get even with the U.S. for the 1945 bombing of Hiroshima. Wow. That must really be a popular topic of conversation around the water cooler in the meteorologist’s dressing room!

Shit, it seems like every time Mother Nature rears her ugly head or something bad happens, there are a whole slew of folks that come out of the woodwork ready to point out that ‘The Big G’ upstairs is pissed. However, no one would ever dare point an accusatory finger at himself or herself as we should be doing. Did God put the holes in the O-Zone causing dramatic global temperature fluctuations? NO! Mankind did, of course! Did God chop down all the trees and thereby depleting a continuing renewable, breathable atmosphere? FUCK NO! Guess who?

Wise up!

We have nothing to blame these natural disasters on but our own senseless consumption and misuse of our natural resources. How come when the shit hits the fan we are so quick to just blame it on some intangible all-powerful figment of mass imagination as opposed to looking at things more practically and then evaluating the impact on our liveable environment? You don’t have to have a mind that will bend spoons to realize that man is not exactly treading lightly on this planet and as a result are beginning to experience the negative repercussions of our careless actions on this earth. At the rate we’re going we’ll all have been swept away into the ocean by the year 2025. God doesn't give a shit. He'll just twitch his nose and magically create another race of beings to inherit his garden. We're just a different variety of Reality Television to him!

Just look at all the recent environmental anomalies: deadly tsunami’s, not one, but TWO monster hurricanes (this year alone), massive landslides and flooding in Guatemala, frogs exploding in public parks, devastating earthquakes in Pakistan, over a foot of rain in the U.K., and an avian influenza ready to bitch slap us back to the Stone Age. Mother Nature is absolutely livid! And rightly so since we’ve all been taking a collective dump on her for the past three hundred years or so since we got all clever and developed mechanized industry. Now it’s time for a little pay back, baby!

Forget praying to your god and begging for forgiveness – recycle your waste, begin adopting renewable energy sources, and stop releasing all those CFC’s into the atmosphere. Forget gambling and legalized abortion – start giving a shit about the overharvesting of earths species and the needless polluting of our global waterways. Quit shaking the Bible before the camera and plant a fucking tree, you morons! And then maybe, just maybe, God may give enough of a shit to actually call off Mother Nature from her current rampages and treating us as her own personal chew toy.

Until then, I suspect we’re just going to continue experiencing these natural disasters in the coming years – probably with even graver results. Not because God is upset over our moral and ethical failings, but because we’re too fucking stupid to realize the consequences of our own actions.

"That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane - Lenny Bruce is not afraid. Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn - world serves its own needs, don't misserve your own needs."



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