Saturday, February 05, 2005

Bush's In the Hood

President George Bush outlined new proposals in his February 2nd ‘State of the Union’ speech aimed at helping at-risk youth in the United States overcome the danger of gang influence and involvement. Huh? Isn’t George currently waging enough battles on foreign soil already that he shouldn’t really be needing to pick any other new fights in his own domestic homeland as well? Is this guy trigger-happy or what? I guess since he had that first sniff of weapons of mass destruction in his last term of office that he's now ready to settle for a more sure thing; weapons of mass murder.

The Justice Department estimates that approximately 750,000 individuals are members of gangs – one third of which are under the age of 18. To help combat the rising number of gang members and to deescalate the increasing levels of violence, the President announced a new outreach effort, led by none other than Mrs. Laura Bush, to focus on young Americans, especially young men, to help ensure a successful future.

Pardon? Did I hear that right? Laura-fucking-Bush? Is this the same woman that George also affectionately refers to as “lump in my bed”?

So let me get this straight: in an effort to tone down gang-related activity and violence, the country is unleashing Laura Bush to go all ‘Colors’ on their hommie asses? Oh yeah, that sure sounds like a great plan!

What would a millionaire’s wife know about gangs from the mean streets of New York, Los Angeles, Oakland, Chicago, Miami, Atlanta, etc? Christ, why don’t we just enlist "Luvy" from ‘Gilligan’s Island’ in our war against international terrorism?

Did the Bush’s just go and rent a bunch of Ice Cube movies from Blockbuster Video over the weekend and now they’re all fired up to start thrownin’ down and begin slammin’ and bangin’ with the Cribs and the Bloods down on the corner or something? Or maybe they became concerned with the festering urban gang problem after overhearing Jenna and Barbara playing a Public Enemy album a little too loud one afternoon while lounging around the Whitehouse pool.

Can you picture Laura sporting her "colors" and flipping gang signs as deftly as Tupac Shakur ordering cheeseburgers at Burger King. She’s be decked out in high top sneakers, baggie-ass jeans, and a babushka rapping out her message of faith and hope in ghetto Ebonics that would confuse even Snoop Dogg, like the chill beotch she is.

Towards this three year initiative, the President has earmarked $150 million dollars. What is that $150 million dollars going to go towards anyways? Holy shit, that’s a LOT of Raiders ball caps and malt liquor! Are the American people going to get into the music business and release positive and motivational anti-gang themed rap albums from reputable new model artists like Irs-One, Run-WindowsXP, and N.W.C. (Niggers With Checkbooks). Or maybe they can introduce an intramural curling bonspiel where rival gang members can settle their turf wars on a sheet of ice with brooms like civilized niggaz.

Here’s a crazy idea: spend the $150 million dollars on enforcing stricter gun control* to keep the weapons from the hands of an irrational, intellectually-stunted misfit who has nothing better to do than commit murder because somebody looked at his ‘ho. THAT would be better way of serving the taxpayers money, don’t you think? What are they going to commit acts of gang violence with if you remove the guns and illegally obtained weapons from the equation? Are gangbangers instead going to resort to throwing corn muffins at one another from opposite sides of the street? I doubt there are many O.G. gangster types out there who will be cruising the hood waiting for the perfect opportunity to pick off a rival gang member in a “Drive-By Insulting”. Pretty scary shit, huh?

Without their precious guns, gang members will be reduced to settling territorial conflicts with West Side Story dance-offs. Who would want to join a gang when he/she sees a bunch of O.G. Fairies in doo-rags shaking their booty’s at one another as if it was Soul Train all over again! That sight alone raging away on the mean streets of Compton would be enough to even scare off the biggest and toughest homeboys on the block from ever joining in any sissy-ass gang.

What else is an ex-gangbanger going to do then? Why go to school, of course. They'll be forced to lay down their uzi's and start learning a practical skill, like operating the cash register's touchpad at the drive-thru at MacDonald's. "Hey Pooky, make sure you put extra packets of ketchup in that motherfucka".

* Any opposition from the NRA, I expect could be immediately remedied by simply walking Charleton Heston down any street in East L.A.


Post a Comment

<< Home