Monday, January 24, 2005

Putting the Ice on Blizzard Reports

Over the weekend, we had what could be considered our first committed heavy snowfall of the season in the North East. Already, the buzzing CNN as well as other related media channels has labeled this not-so-unusual weather pattern as the ‘Blizzard Report’*.

Why is it we now seem to skip from “light flurries throughout the night” to automatic “blizzard conditions” immediately on each aired weather update? It is WINTER right? Did I miss something in translation? Don’t we ever simply get innocent “heavy snowfalls” anymore like we used to get as kids when life would still continue on and we did not necessarily have to live in the shadow of terror of regular “Blizzard Report”?

Why all the drama? Sure it’s been a bad year for freak natural disasters and atmospheric anomalies…but that doesn’t necessarily mean that Mother Nature has a personal vendetta against us! The planet is going to continue experiencing it's normal weather patterns. Are we so wrapped up in our ‘Culture of Fear’ today that everything becomes an instant crisis worthy of regular CNN update reports?

Honestly, after each and every broadcast 'Blizzard Report', the only end result is that I instantly crave one of the specials with ground up Scor bars into a cup of soft ice cream available for a limited time only at the Dairy Queen down the street.

Pretty soon, if this method of crisis weather reporting continues, we won’t even be able to bring ourselves to go outside during a commonplace, and otherwise necessary and pleasant Spring Shower rainstorm lest we should get washed away in the raging drainage water being reported to be flowing down city streets by some CNN reporter whose name sounds like he should be color commentating a WWE main event match-up instead.

Imagine that paranoid broadcast in the future:

“Thanks, Wolf. Tonight, here in St.Catharines, Ontario, residents are getting cruelly pounded by a particularly vicious April rain shower that continues to pour down with unrelenting fury now for the past 3 hours, and there is still no signs that the floods of rain water will let up soon. Tulips are blooming brightly in flower beds, dog shit is being cleared from sidewalk pavements, baby duckies are swimming contentedly in overflowing ponds, and children are racing around attempting to catch rain drops on their tongues; it’s absolute chaos, Wolf! Local authorities and meteorologists are recommending that everyone stay home and avoid making themselves damp with the torrential rain until further notice. The future here looks wet and bleak for the survivors of this recent light precipitation front from Hell, but still they struggle on to reclaim their otherwise dry lives”.

* Which sadly, has overshadowed the tragic death of famous comedian and all-round swell guy, Johnny Carson who also passed away this weekend at the age of 79.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Terry,

I didn't know that Johnny Carson died! :0( I didn't bother to register cuz it would take too long. See ya soon...


9:25 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home