Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Modeling Bad Behavior

Don’t you just love to hate famous celebrities? I do. And I don’t mean the seemingly nice and normal ones; you know, the ones who get all passionate about their third world orphan babies, political prisoners or earthquake victims or something semi-sensible, but those kooky holier-than-thou celebrities who seem to feel as if the sun rises and sets on their own ass. I mean those ones that if something tragic should ever happen to remove them from this mortal coil; you wouldn’t give two shits, like, Carrot Top or, say, Naomi Campbell.

I say Naomi Campbell because she has happened to make recent news headlines recently when she was requested to testify in the on-going trial against former Liberian leader, Charles Taylor.

I know, I know…”huh?” What could these two dipshits possibly have in connection with one another? But it’s all true.

Last week, supermodel Campbell was summoned as a possible character witness to support prosecutors allegations that Taylor received so-called “blood diamonds” from rebels in Sierra Leone and then used them to buy weapons during his 1997 trip to South Africa. Along with these charges, Taylor is also accused with 11 counts of instigating murder, rape, mutilation, sexual slavery and the conscription of child soldiers during wars in Liberia and Sierra Leone in which more than 250,000 people were killed.

Of course, Taylor denies all charges - duh. So how does this involve the 40-year old supermodel and celebrity bitch extraordinaire?

Well, it has claimed that Taylor offered Campbell a few of these “blood diamonds” as a gift after meeting her and Nelson Mandella at a charity dinner back in 1997. Or, rather, the diamonds were passed to Campbell by two unidentified men who came to her bedroom in the middle of the night.


Well, apparently not if you’re the likes of Naomi Campbell. Campbell testified that she was “sleeping and had a knock at the door that woke (me) up. Two men were there and they gave (me) a pouch and said: ‘A gift for you’”, she told UN Special Court for Sierra Leone.

“I went back to bed. I looked into the pouch the next morning,” the model said. “I saw a few stones, they were very small dirty looking stones”, she continued.


Two strange men bring you a mysterious pouch with God knows what in it and you can’t be bothered to open it until the next morning? Am I the only one not buying this load of horseshit?

Furthermore, Campbell claimed that “I’m used to seeing diamonds shiny in a box…if someone had not said they were diamonds, I would not have known they were diamonds.”

Again, my bullshit meter is reading off the charts. I’m pretty certain that if supermodels are able to recognize anything in this life, it’s anything with a calorie count in the double digits and diamonds…no matter what kind of rough condition they happen to be in. I’m sure in this case, Naomi’s inner diamond meter probably lit up like a Roman Candle on ‘Cinco de Mayo’.

And really, how rough is life when you only get to see shiny diamonds in fancy boxes? Poor woman. I’m all choked up with sadness.

Campbell initially refused to testify and told judges she feared for her family’s safety after reading on the Internet about Taylor’s alleged involvement in mass killings. She has no problem chill-axing with the guy at International benefit events, or accepting midnight presents from the guy…but testify after reading something on the Internet? Hell no!

Citing these reasons for security, Campbell won a court order barring journalists from photographing or filming her arrival and departure from the courthouse. Yeah, right, because Taylor must also rely on his Internet Google searches to locate and identify his targets. Makes perfect sense, right?

So how does an International supermodel celebrity protect her personal security while the jury deliberates over her crock-of-shit testimony? Why, incognito on a luxury yaught in Sardinia with Leonardo Di Caprio, Kevin Spacey, Janet Jackson and famous diamond merchant Fawaz Gruosi at the famous Billionaires Club in Porto Cervo.

Sure, why not? Taylor will never think to look for her there, right?

Furthermore, Campbell was quoted in court as saying “I don’t want to be here. I was made to be here… This is a terrible inconvenience to me. Obviously, I just want to get this over with and get on with my life.”
Too fucking right! We all know how sucky it must be to make hasty first class vacation trips to the Netherlands. Geez! Will the madness never end?

Her multiple secretaries and personal assistants just aren’t going to abuse themselves ya know; neither are any of the paparazzi reporters going to insult and punch themselves, now are they? In fact, there hasn’t been a single telephone beating the entire time Campbell was testifying at The Hague. Won’t somebody please think of the poor neglected secretaries?

My but how this poor woman suffers! Somebody should just save her all this pain and suffering and just stick a cheese knife in her rib cage. I don’t know how she ever manages to deal with it all.


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