Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Avian Holocaust

I laughed off the whole Minuteman controversy as just Americans being your typical, low-brow paranoid Americans, but now they have gone too far. It seems now that the crazy Yanks have targeted us Canucks in a far more aggressive way. Namely, an outright attack aimed directly at the flocks of Canada Geese currently making their home in Brooklyn, NY.

Officials with the U.S. Department of Agriculture have recently hunted down and killed hundreds of Canada geese in a bid to improve airline security, the New York Times reported on Tuesday.

“Airline security”? Are you fucking kidding me? Since when has a Canada goose ever attempted to board a passenger plane with plastic explosives strapped to it's chest? But apparently, a large flock of Canada geese slammed head-on into a US Airways jetliner shortly after it took off from New York's LaGuardia airport in January 2009, forcing it to make an emergency landing in the Hudson River. Umm, birds flying in the air? The heck you say! The winged bastards – let’s kill them all!

What kind of logic is that? After all, who has more right to be in the air; us or the geese? It’s not like the geese purposefully planned and carried out a heinous attack on the jetliner, is it? They were probably just innocently flying around looking for the nearest Tim Hortons.

As a result, wildlife officials and biologists descended on the park, herded the geese into crates and took them to a nearby building where they were gassed, USDA spokeswoman Carol A. Bannerman told the Times.

Does this sound familiar? It’s a total avian Holocaust! Did we learn nothing from World War II? And, oddly enough, aviation safety is not even listed among the many problems — accumulation of droppings, fouling of recreational areas, attacks on humans — that can "quickly develop as bird numbers increase," according to a USDA fact sheet.

If you ask me, it just sounds as if someone just has it out for the poor geese. I’m surprised then that they also didn’t strip them of their citizenship and force them to wear colored symbols on their clothes to immediately identify them as an inferior. What next? Where does it stop? Are the Yanks going to target the Florida snowbirds next? And where is Sir Paul McCartney now anyway? Is he protesting the mass euthanasia of these defenseless Canada geese or is he still crawling around on an iceberg somewhere in the St. Lawrence trying to save the seals?

It’s like the birds have become the scapegoat for the 30,000 or so lost lives in 9/11. The Americans never got Osama bin Laden but they did manage to bag themselves a couple thousand Canada Geese.

“Job well done, guys! Mission Accomplished”

Don’t they have more important things to concern themselves with anyway like – oh, I don’t know - say, capping oil leaks in the Gulf, or should they just kill all the fish for getting in the way of the underwater restoration efforts?


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