Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Ramadan Throwdown

Last week, a young couple were caught having sex in a Kenyan mosque during the Muslim holy month of Ramadan and have been sentenced to 18 months jail for what the judge called an "abominable affront to religion” – which is the judges way of saying: “You fucked up huge, nigga”.

The rules of conduct are very specific during the months of Ramadan in regards to fasting and abstinence: No food, no drink, no banging of pussy during the daylight hours – particularly in fundamentalist Kenyan mosques. The rules are very clear. You may as well just burp the call to prayer and wipe your ass with the kiswa.

In actuality, this conviction could have very well ended up with the couple being fed to rabid jackals. Eighteen months is nothing. Had this incident happened in Saudi Arabia, you'd be able to bid on tickets to the public execution on Ebay right now. They'd go all Maximum Overdrive on their sinful asses. Eighteen months in a Kenyan jail is a picnic!

Ramadan is universally recognized as a time of worship and contemplation. A time to strengthen family and community ties. Hey, what better way to strengthen the family and community ties by fornicating in public places? What could be more holy than that? I’d say that banging in a temple of worship like William Hung at a Karaoke Festival would most definitely be considered as strengthening the community ties.

It’s a total ‘Say Anything’ moment.

What’s really amazing to me is that such a careless indiscretion would result in such a harsh sentence, when the same act in our own Western Civilization would inevitably end up with a newly recognized definition on Wikipedia and a line of fetish videos *. Something that the accused couple will no doubt be contemplating for the better part of the next two years.

In California, the couple would be performing in clubs by now.

It was claimed that a worshipper heading for evening prayers found the horny couple having sex after investigating what the prosecution described as strange noises emanating from a dark corner of the mosque.

I like how there is always that suggested element of shock and complete surprise that goes hand in hand with just about every hapless witness story. C’mon people. “Strange noises”? What else could screams of “That’s it - do me, monkey man!” mean? This isn’t CSI.

Just once I would like a “victim” to tell the God’s honest truth for a change: “I heard somebody moaning from the direction of the mihrab and I got so turned on that I hid behind the Dakka. I then observed the couple in a variety of multiple positions; I proceeded to pound one out before running off to tell the Imam about the abominable affront.”

Not bloody likely.

Peter Kimani and Jennifer Wairimu pleaded guilty to the charge of bumping uglies in a place of worship at the Abubakar mosque in Gilgil, about 60 miles north of Nairobi. They both pleaded for clemency at this past Monday's hearing, saying they were too drunk to know where they were. Kimani told the court he thought he was actually in a lodging house.

Pardon?

No matter how drunk one gets, how does one mistake a rural Kenyan mosque for a lodging house? Nice try, monkey man.

Not a very pretty picture of standards for Kenyan Muslims and their mosques, now is it? You can just read the travel brochure now:

“Come for the prayer. Stay for the hot drunken sex!”

* I’d like to put forth “Kenyan Muslims Gone Wild!”

2 Comments:

Blogger Comandante Gringo said...

Pretty amusing -- if it weren't for the bad example of the state falling all over itself to appease the religious. Whatever happened to simply slapping people with big fines for public indecency, or whatnot?

I suppose we can thank the worshippers for not rending these people from limb to limb.

2:17 AM  
Blogger Brony said...

Totaly made ma laugh. You are right. It would be treated very differently in the states.

3:06 PM  

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