Sunday, November 06, 2005

Taking a Bite Out of Stupidity

What the fuck is going on in the world?

There are pirates with grenade launchers raiding luxury cruise liners off the coast of Somalia and Islamic North African immigrants burning cars and schools while rioting in the streets of Paris over two crispy tater tots were found still smoking on an electrified fence in Clichy-sous-Bois. Literally, every time you turn on the television set it seems like the entire planet is going down the dumper fast with one mighty flush.

On the near home front, there’s the whole mismanagement of the ‘HurKat’ crisis; pythons snacking on crocodiles in the Florida keys, Bush Jr. using the latest avian flu pandemic scare to further line his pockets with a another requested umpteen billion dollars, escaped Death Row inmates running amok among us, Tom Delay indicted on criminal charges, a White House scandal involving Lewis “Scooter” Libby, CIA operative Valerie Plame’s identity exposed by nosy columnists, and Karl Rove up to fucking God only knows what. And I could have sworn that there was still some war going on somewhere…

…nah. My mistake.

Either something is terribly amiss in this whole cosmic kaleidoscope of life or I'm not the only completely pissed off that Brandon was voted off Survivor this past Thursday. Either way, it’s still lions and tigers and assholes – oh my!

However, a ray of light in all this madness is the arrest of some teaching assistant, Shirlene Huffman, in Camden County, NC who arrested Wednesday for allegedly biting a 7-year-old autistic student after he became unruly during gym class and bit his teacher.

Well, brav-fucking-o!

I can appreciate this teaching assistants strict sense of justice and her tenacity for having the cahones to really “make it real” for this child. In lieu of all these recent political and tragic world demises, I think it’s this exact kind of brutal honesty and take-no-shit attitude to crisis management that deserves a round of fucking applause! No lies, no half truths, no bullshit - just the teeth marks where the ounce of flesh was extracted.

Boo-ya, sister!

This is exactly what this fucking world needs. It surely keeps in tune with our proclaimed ‘eye-for-an-eye’ global policies as it is as of late. Clearly Huffman was only trying to show the child what it feels like and why it is wrong to bite, but of course the child’s parents see it a bit differently. They cite that their son is being treated as a “problem child” when in fact he is only autistic and has special needs. Ah Christ, here we go again!

The little rugrat was biting teachers for petes sake! And who cares what even led up to the incident. He could be throwing a spazz because another child gave him an atomic wedgie - whatever. I'm sure he deserved it. But unless his “special need” is a higher protein diet – I think the teaching assistant was bang-fucking-on to chomp back on his autistic ass. Some little peckerwood bites me and I’m going to take a piece of his ass in return - tout-fucking-sweet!

It’s a hard lesson to learn for the child I agree, but a necessary one under the circumstances. So suck it up kid and deal with it like any other civilized member of the human race. And what are this child’s parents teaching him exactly? If life doesn’t go your way – burn shit to the ground and usher in complete anarchy. After all, you’re not to blame - you’re “autistic and have special needs”.


This is the same hard-edged mentality we need once again to turn our political zeitgeist back around, don’t you think? We've turned into a collective race of sea sponges. It's all someone else's fault - rip shit up. We shouldn’t be coddling these types of errant miscreants and rebels without plause, but going straight for their eyes with sharp sticks instead.

Congratulations Shirlene Huffman – I salute you!

And feel free to go all medieval on the asses of any other “autistic” rhubarbs that you think may jeopardize our moral common sense and therefore needs to feel the full fury of your canines. Perhaps if somebody had taken a bite out of Osama bin Laden, Dubya, or even Dick Cheney’s ass eons ago, we wouldn’t be in the fucking mess that we’re in now. Hopefully, you and other strict disciplinarians of your ilk will help formulate this new world order and instigate a more positive social change starting at the grassroots level.


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