Thursday, July 01, 2004

In Praise of all Things "Nerd"

Everything sacred and important in this life, you can learn from watching the Holy Grail of poignant cinema, the Crown Jewel of 'tell-it-like-it-is' real life drama: "Revenge of the Nerds".

This masterpiece of American theater should be mandatory viewing in all junior high school classes. It's the 'Citizen Kane' of the hip modern generation, the uber-cool cult classic that defied all social, racial, sexual, and ethical boundaries and set the new president for cinematic exellence.

In this classic tale about the timeless epic battle between Geeks and Jocks*, ultimate nerdiness triumphs in the face of extreme adversity. The important moral being: You have to stand up for yourself and protect your unique individual beliefs and value system, particularly when under seige from a less than tolerable ignorant party.

It would have been too easy to simply relocate the new Lambda-Lambda-Lambda Fraternity House to the opposite side of the college campus from the Jock frathouse and thereby have prevented the aggressive party animals at the Alpha-Beta House from needlessly breaking all their gizmo's and gadget's while on a destructive drunken bender after the latest weekend kegger. But NO! Our Nerd heroes instead decide to defend their proud honor and Nerd integrity by meeting the enemy headon in pitched battle and stand their ground armed with only their superior intellects and their plastic pocket protectors. When in formation, the Nerd legions appeared almost menacing in their uniforms of matching belts and socks, and checkered floodpants.

This teaches you discipline, self-respect, and moral character. All these are important foundations to be laid as a young adults currently ekking their way through this fast paced confusing rollercoaster we call "life", as is developing vital mad skills in the ancient art of drunken tricycle racing.

"Revenge of the Nerds" also provides other such important valuable life lessons as:

1) When the going gets tough, the tough go on a panty raid.
2) Anyone named Lamar is bound to be gay and wear pink leg warmers.
3) Belching will always be funny.
4) Boogers are a good source of protein.
5) Cheeerleaders are horny mindless whores who will fuck anything or anyone just as long as they are popular, or are wearing a halloween mask to conceal their identities.
6) 'Three-quels' are the kiss of death.


* which, I suspect began eons ago when Socrates was wedgied in the Forum shower by the gladiators and had his toga stolen from his locker.


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