Sunday, April 20, 2008

Crazy Is As Crazy Does

Just in case you have just about given up on yourself altogether and have considered ending it all, consider this first: Kansas City authorities were called out to the home of a 37-year-old Kory McFarren to - get this – have his girlfriend, 35-year-old Pam Babcock removed from his bathroom, where she had apparently spent the last two years!

I guess Mr. McFadden finely got tired of waiting to use his can, huh?

And rightly-fucking-so! I begin to get pissy when my girlfriend spends more than 10 minutes in there doing whatever it is that girls do in there – but two fucking years? That’s just bloody ridiculous! I’d say after being denied the right to use his own bathroom for 24 straight months*, Mr. McFadden had demonstrated patience and self-control far beyond that of any reasonable limit.

First of all, as far as boyfriends go this guy is a saint! Secondly; he must have been pretty fucking desperate to waited so long that the skin of his cock tease girlfriend had actually grown around the toilet seat itself. Babcock had sat for so long that open sores developed and caused her to become attached to the seat. Is that some sexy shit or what? Authorities spent nearly two hours prying the toilet seat off with a pry bar before she was taken to the local hospital – with the seat still stuck to her ass no less.

Fuck me!

That’s pretty goddamn desperate if you’re willing to wait 17,520 hours to fuck a chick with a toilet seat fused to her ass don't you think?. I’d rather work as a shark moil than fuck some crazy bitch with a toilet seat attached to her ass. Somebody get this poor bastard a prostitute already.
McFadden regularly took her water and meals and repeatedly asked her to come out, to which Babcock would reply: “maybe tomorrow”.

Still thinking of ending it all are ya? At least you haven’t spent the last two years on the hopper!
The real tragedy in all this is that Mr. McFadden is now being charged by the Ness County District Court. For what…blue balls?!

The 36-year-old antique store dealer insists that the odd arrangement simply evolved over time and it got to the point where he no longer thought of it as strange.

Okay, I too find this a little hard to believe and so loose a little respect for this pathetic schmutz. Getting down on your knees and howling at the full moon is a “little strange”; the artist-formerly-known-as-Prince is a "little strange”; Elvis impersonators are a “little strange”; the ending to Contact was more than a “little strange”; but sitting, eating, bathing, and sleeping in your shitter for two years is just fucking nuts, pal!

This crazy bitch has spent more time in bathrooms than George Michael.

Wake up already.

“It just kind of happened one day; she went in and had been in there a little while, the next time it was just a little longer. Then she got it in her head she was going to stay – like it was a safe place for her“, Mc. Fadden offered as his only defense.

The woman was reported to have had a traumatic childhood after her mother died when she was still a little girl. A neighbor recalls she was always kept inside her home and was always rarely allowed to go outside. So clearly the girl was already a runaway freight train to Crazytown as it was. But still, the local sheriff plans to charge McFadden with mistreatment of a dependant adult.

Although Babcock is now in fair condition in a Wichita hospital, the nerve damage in her legs may now leave her crippled in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. McFadden maintains “she is an adult; she made her own decision. I should have gotten help for her sooner; I’ll admit that. But after a while, you kind of get used to it”.

Once again, dude; one gets used to Latin music, shitty weather, or Ethiopian cuisine – not a girlfriend living in your bathroom for two full calendar years! The only thing McFadden is guilty of is being stupid. This guy makes Gary Busey look well adjusted.

The court offered authorities have offered that “neither of the duo appears to be in their right mind, and it all might be that its just an unfortunate arrangement among two people with diminished capabilities”.

Duh. Do ya think?

These two are about as sharp as wet mice. But what’s the point of charging McFadden exactly? Is he stupid? Absolutely! Horny? Fuck yes. So take him out; let him have a nice, long, undisturbed dump in privacy, get him laid, then turn him loose for the helpless moron he is.

There. Aren’t you glad I stopped you from feeling like a total loser?

You’re welcome.

* Which leads one to wonder where exactly Mr. McFadden did go to the bathroom?


Blogger Wandering Coyote said...

Man, I have no idea where you find this stuff, but I snorted coffee through my nose onto my keyboard just now. Thanks.

7:33 AM  

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