Thursday, May 27, 2004

Geek Shoes and Ego Boosts

I have developed shin splints and in my mind, a sure sign that I am that much closer to officially being considered "over-the-hill" (how do you deal with it Joker?). By the time I reach work in the morning now, my legs feel as if they have been dipped in molten lava from the knees down. Now, I have to reenter the "Realm of the She Beast" and make another doctor's appointment to seek advise on corrective measures and footwear.

Great..."Geek Shoes". Just what my poor battered ego needs right now. On top of my anti-fungal cream, all I need more is a pair of coke-bottle lens glasses, a pair of flood pants, a pocket protector, and bryll cream in my hair and I'll resemble somebody who answers to the name "Spazoid" and is usually found hunched over spread sheets on a super computer or tinkering with a robot designed out of empty beer kegs on the set of a 'Revenge of the Nerds' film sequel. Soon, I'll be reduced to spying on Gramma Droopytits next door through a telescopic lens as she changes into her mumu before bed and feverishly eating Smartfood out of the bag as if it was preventing acne break outs.

I thought meeting and attracting members of the opposite sex was difficult as it is! I can't wait to see what kind of mutant women I attract once I'm clomping around in my special therapeutic platform shoes like Frankenstein out for a stroll around the doctor's castle grounds.

I guess I can carry on by maintaining the fantasy that my pittance of Health Insurance Plan will cover me for some kind of high-powered motor scooter to zip around on my very own 'hog' as it were. Or at the very least, a fit able-bodied fitness freak to piggyback me while I urge them on with a riding crop.

Oh joy.


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